i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
