We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
