I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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