i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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