It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
