hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
