He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
