I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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