Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
