Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
