I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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