Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
