Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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