AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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