When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
