I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
sarcasm needs its own font
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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