beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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