I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
only if we run a train.
done.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
How naked do you want me to be?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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