you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He better not be in your backpack
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
