ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
