So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
