Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
