just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
