I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
