I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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