you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
