my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
