Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
