Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
