You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
