There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
