Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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