When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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