The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
