Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
