you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
