Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
