Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
