I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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