these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
