ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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