Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
