I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
