i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
