My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
