Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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