Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
