Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
