im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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