First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
