I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
