I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
