When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
