No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize