I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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