he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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