You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
