I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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