I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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