We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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