if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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