dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
