Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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