where am i from again
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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