Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
