ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize