I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The uberlube is also flammable
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
