My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
