I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
