I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
