She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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