she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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