You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
