I've blown a few things in my day
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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